013 // Pinteresting

So, when you are a parent, trying to survive the toddler years, alone, due to your spouse being at work all day and law school all night, you need to get creative.

I'll admit it, sometimes I put her in front of the TV, so I feel like I can get something done. I try to do all of my "things" during her nap time, but with my computer in the room where she sleeps, sometimes this isn't feasible. Of course, she isn't watching just anything, just basically, everything they show on Nick Jr. (Having a sole channel for Nick Jr. is really awesome).

This week, I decided, since I am going to be a stay at home mom for the time being, I want to organize K's day similar to a preschool/homeschool day. Hopefully, this will get her ready for actual Preschool. This is where the awesome Pinterest comes in. Now, I hate to say it, but if you don't know what Pinterest is, you are really out of the loop! It's the fantastic website that lets you create visual bookmarks of things on the internet and sorts them into boards, that you can look at later. It's genius. However, I will say, Pinterest is kind of like The Sims. You know, you go on, and the next thing you know 2 hours have passed and you're not sure if you have anything to show for it. I try to limit my Pinterest-ing for that very reason.

Anyway, my toddler board is full of sensory games, arts & crafts, learning activities, and other toddler-themed delights like DIY clothing & toys. I cannot wait to do some of the activities with K! Now, the joke with Pinterest is, you pin everything from your dream house to delicious food to designer outfits, but you never have that house, or make that food, or get that outfit. It's kind of just a dream board, filled with pretty things to look at and dream about. Although, some people do attempt to do things (and the results aren't always "like the picture"), which is why there is a website called Pintrocity, which is just entertaining. :)

Tonight, I thought I would get a little creative with Miss K and do a Pinterest inspired activity with her. I went with bath paints. (Figured, bath tub = easy clean-up). It had a few ingredients: baby shampoo, corn-starch (seems like everything sensory for a little kid somehow involves corn starch!), food coloring, & water. Hey! I have all of those things! I even found an empty ice cube tray to mix the paint in!

I changed the recipe a little bit (small ice cube tray) & completely left out the water (which I think was a good thing) and came up with some pretty awesome paint.

And I do have to say, I think K enjoyed it too!

Whew! I think that we will be able to survive this law school thing! Thank you Pinterest!

012 // First Day of School

It's been two months since we've been in Seattle. It has taken a little adjusting, but overall things are fine. We have been taking advantage of the beautiful sunny days (it rained today - I know Labor Day means the end of summer on the mainland, so I'm a little bummed! But luckily fall has some things to look forward to!) We went camping at the beach, I went to two baby showers & visited with two close friends, we put our toes in the ocean and a lake! We have been busy. Which is good, because being busy makes you miss things less. 

C took his first law school class over the summer and earned a B, which I think is pretty impressive! It was a little hard adjusting to his school schedule because he got home so late. But he was home during the day. A few weeks ago, he started a full-time job filing contracts at a book company. So it's been just K & me home during the day and C home for dinner.

Tonight was his first "real" law school class. His first work all day, go to school at night, real law school class. It was just me & K, all day, all night. 

Although, I'm feeling pretty good. It's 7 p.m. and she is fed (made teriyaki beef with broccoli and rice - with extras for C's dinner tomorrow night), bathed, and we are watching a movie (Veggie Tales: The Pirates who Don't do Anything). The food is put away, the dishes are done, I'm 2/3 done with laundry, the living room & dining room are picked up. I'm feeling pretty good about this! I know, it won't last. Haha. I won't be this put together every night, but it feels good to have it all together tonight! 

Work/School back in Hawaii started without me, and two people have emailed/texted me looking for things/needing help, so that makes me feel a little loved. But sad. 

Being home all day with K has its perks and its downfalls. She is tiring! But so much fun. Though I am feeling like I am running out of ideas for things to do with her. I hope that I'm teaching her enough! I thought I wanted to put her into preschool when she turns 3, in January, and I have been researching information about this. Turns out, preschoolers only go to class max 3 times a week and for half days! So now I'm not sure what to do about work because I would hate to have to put her into a daycare for the rest of the time. They do have these interesting facilities called co-op preschools, where the parent goes one day a week and helps out, so I might check that out. I like that idea!

Anyway, I will try to be more regular with this. I know there aren't too many blogs about families attending law school and I want to keep this updated. 

011 / Two More Sleeps

It's hard because in two more sleeps we will be gone. We will be out our my childhood home. It's hard because K doesn't really know what's going on.  She's excited to see Daddy in Seattle. She's happy to be with Nana. But does she know that Grammy & Papa aren't going to be there? Her whole life is going to change. No more baths or story-time with Papa and no more Grammy's Big Tub or making cookies with her. She has spent her whole life in this house. All almost three years. Her room was my childhood room. And "her peoples" - P, her best friend/sister who she has known since she was 7 months old; A, the best caretaker anyone could ever hope for, Aunty S & Uncle J & Baby E - close family, not to mention Grammy & Papa - so many happy memories shared, but so many tears cried at our departure.  Will she even remember living here? She will always be able to say she was born in Hawaii and spent three years here, but I don't think she will remember, and that makes me sad. And as much as I would like to come back, I know that we won't come back, so these years will be all she gets. How lucky was she to have so many loving people around her? To grow up with Mommy, Daddy, Grammy & Papa. She's a pretty cool kid and I know that this is part of the reason.

No matter how many times I remind myself about the opportunities in Seattle, it just doesn't make it any easier to leave.

010 // The Movers

The movers are here. Luckily I did manage to pack up all of our household goods (minus the furniture) so that its easier for them. Or at least I organized it somewhat. 

Hopefully, it won't be too expensive. That darn Pacific Ocean makes things complicated! I think it's around $1 a pound or more. Without the furniture it is less, but still expensive. It's amazing to see all of our things packed up. It didn't seem like too much stuff until you see all the brown boxes. They are doing a great job. 

 I think the move will be even more real after all of our things are moved out. K's room is so empty! It's emptier than it was when we first moved in! I guess everything is put in perspective. We are really moving. Seattle will be our new home on Saturday. Less than one more week in our beautiful Hawaii. 

009 // The Empty Box

I knew that I was going to have to decline the offer, but I didn't expect there not to be an offer. I never expected the box to be empty. And this seems to be more upsetting. And I'm not sure why the box was empty. Maybe because the powers at be have finally found out about my intentions to leave. And so why waste the paper? But maybe it was an offer I couldn't refuse, though I doubt it. But still. Where was my envelope? That just made it sink in. I was done at this job, as much as I don't want to accept it. No offer. No contract. No job. My time at my job was pretty much over. I can't believe it will all be over in about 6 weeks. Bittersweet.

008 // Pick a date

DH just got back from a week long trip in Seattle. His family is overjoyed that we are headed back there. His brother bought a zoo pass to take K on trips there. His mom is rearranging her house so that we can relocate to it. Everyone is so excited to be around us.

DH on a school visit at Seattle University. He talked to professors and the financial aid office. Somehow he worked something so that he would only have to pay something like $240 out of pocket, but we are still going to take out a little cost-of-living loan.

007 // Grandparents

As nice as it will be for K to spend time with DH's family, I wonder if he really knows how much affect this life change will have on K. Her whole world revolves around Papa and Grammy (my parents). Papa reads her a book every night, as part of the bedtime ritual. She and Grammy have an after school routine, not to mention a before school routine. We have lived with them from before K was born. Her life, as she knows it, is with them. How can she go from being around them almost 24/7 to not, not at all, cold-turkey?

I had some photos printed and as i was looking at them, i came across one of Papa and K. They both have the biggest smile on their faces. I felt a little sad looking at it though, wondering when they would be together like this again. When would be the next time we would see them? With everyone working, I feel like realistically, it wouldn't be until next summer. One whole year. K would be 3, practically four. And even though I promised myself I would be happy and embrace this change, that thought makes me feel incredibly sad - although not for myself, more so for K. She only has 1 Papa, and it is so obvious he is important to her. (I'm sure that was her first word!) and he won't stop being important to her, but he won't be that guy she visits with every night.

But maybe this is the time to make new rituals. Maybe Papa can Skype with her every night and they can share their book time that way. In this technological world, maybe that is even better. And maybe Grammy and Papa will miss us and want to come visit sooner.

I just know, we have the next two/three months to make as many memories and happy moments as possible and really enjoy the time we have left with them.

006 // Making Lemonade

I have decided that I am tired of being upset about our move to Seattle. I have wasted enough time and energy on being sour about the whole thing. This is not me. I haven’t been feeling like myself. I am not a sad person. I want to be happy. I want to feel good about myself. I need to embrace this change for what it’s worth: a fresh start, new opportunities, and adventure. DH told me that he doesn’t think I am motivated. He has never seen me be motivated to do anything. This hit a cord with me. I used to think I was intrinsically motivated to do good, but I guess he’s right.. I don’t think I have felt motivated to do anything for a while. This had me thinking. An old boyfriend of mine once told me that he thought I would be happier if I was doing something. So I went out and applied for a job and starting scrapbooking. He was right, the working made me feel so much better. I felt like I was doing something meaningful, something that mattered. And I think that this move will help me find my joy again, to help me feel meaningful again. I started thinking about the new things I could do in Seattle. I could work in a school, maybe even a school where K was a student, I could volunteer at a new church, I could start walking and exercising, I could start driving. I could start fresh with all of these things that used to make me happy. DH is right. Seattle will give us so many more opportunities that Hawaii cannot. Of course, it’s never easy to start fresh or to leave things that feel comfortable, but on the other hand, negative feelings are never good for anyone. Sadness is never good for anyone’s well-being. I know that my pessimistic views about the whole ordeal just weigh on DH, and that’s not fair for me to do. It’s time for me to be on board. We are a partnership and I need to start being a partner. Hawaii will always be my home, but maybe Seattle is where I need to be to grow up, to come into my own, to find myself. Where I used to think that this move to Seattle was just a basket of lemons, I now realize that it’s an opportunity to make some delicious lemonade.

005 // So what is MY problem?

The paper came today. SU costs over $40K a year, so that's pretty pricey. DH earned two scholarships that are about $12K, so the loans are going to be fairly hefty.

The brochure is nice. I'm a big sucker for a nice brochure (That's not how I picked my own college or anything).

It feels like it is definitely marketed to the 20somethingyearold. The bars, the eateries, the clubs, and live music and parties and everything that is located in downtown Seattle. The unfortunate part is, even though there is a part of me that thinks that sound fun and fabulous, the reality is that I am no longer a 20somethingyearold. I am in fact a 30somethingyearold. I am a mom. I was in college before 9/11. I feel worried that I am going to be a square peg in a round hole. But, I'm not the one going to LS. I don't need to feel like I fit in.

Until, DH is headed to study groups, or meetings, or mixers, or dinners with friends. Where "no one else has a wife" so maybe he won't want to invite/bring me. Is this my biggest fear? That even trumphs leaving Hawaii and my home? Maybe. Maybe I am the most scared about, feeling left behind.

This is his big moment. Who am I to be the stick in the mud? It's not about me, and I am trying not to make it about me. When I met him, I was the one who had gone to college (and it didn't matter because he was so smarter than me in so many other things). We were interlectually matched. We could have conversations and have fun and enjoy each other's company. The education thing never really came up.

And then he was in college. And it started to feel like he thought he was definitely smarter than me. Maybe smarter in different things. (I'm just an English major, everyone knows that's like Communications. Generic. Anyone can do it.) He's popular (though he doesn't think so). He's older than most of the "kids." So maybe he was smarter because he had more life experience. But I didn't want him to think he was smarter than Me.

And now he's going to be a college graduate. And I am happy for him. He's the first one in his family, that's a big deal and such a great accomplishment, especially because he almost dropped out of high school. I am so proud. He did this college thing with a wife & a daughter, and he did it well, holding a high grade point average. (Definitely higher than mine, and it was just me in college.)

Then comes LS. And he will have a graduate degree, a Law Degree, and I will still have my BA in English, no longer the one with more schooling. And it sounds like I'm not okay with that, but I am. I am okay with that. So what is my problem?

004 // The Waiting Game

We are still waiting for the official papers from the University. I think that DH has given them an unofficial "hold my spot" kind of thing while he waits for the official paperwork to be sent. I can't even remember what it was like to apply/wait to hear back from colleges. When I was applying to college, I feel like I heard back relatively quickly, however this is Law School, so I'm sure they do their own thing in their own way.

DH & I have also unofficially decided that I will be staying in Hawaii until Christmas. They say that the first year of Law School is the hardest, the most intense, the most time-consuming. DH reasoned that he would hardly see us at all. My argument was the stable income, the job, the insurance for K. It's so hard to give up your job, something that you have worked so hard for, have really felt like you have moved up in, for nothing. For no job lined up, for uncertainty. I could do that, I could make it happen, but I just cannot have no health insurance for K. I don't feel safe without it. So, unless DH can find a job that will provide insurance for his dependents, I am not comfortable giving up my job.

Plus, as I don't have my teaching license or an official certification in the Orton-Gillingham approach to phonics {which I an unofficial certification in, but the unofficial certification won't help me get any jobs or tutoring gigs, so it's not really helpful in the world outside of my job}, which will make it pretty difficult to find a teaching job in WA {Hawaii is more lax for private school teacher certifications, which is how I, the English major, am still able to teach}, which is what I want. So, if I stay for an additional 6 months, hopefully I will be able to get one or both and make me a more marketable asset.

It's not going to be easy to be away from DH. I don't know how K is going to take it. But, right now, it seems like the best choice. I know it will be really hard on him to be away from us, but like they say, he will be busy networking and studying and writing and lawing and all of those other things that I don't know anything about. It's not like we haven't been away from each other before. DH was in the Navy and we survived deployments. But not with a toddler. That part will be hard. But I'm sure that in 6 months, I will be ready to make my move to the mainland. I think it will be just the right amount of time.