006 // Making Lemonade

I have decided that I am tired of being upset about our move to Seattle. I have wasted enough time and energy on being sour about the whole thing. This is not me. I haven’t been feeling like myself. I am not a sad person. I want to be happy. I want to feel good about myself. I need to embrace this change for what it’s worth: a fresh start, new opportunities, and adventure. DH told me that he doesn’t think I am motivated. He has never seen me be motivated to do anything. This hit a cord with me. I used to think I was intrinsically motivated to do good, but I guess he’s right.. I don’t think I have felt motivated to do anything for a while. This had me thinking. An old boyfriend of mine once told me that he thought I would be happier if I was doing something. So I went out and applied for a job and starting scrapbooking. He was right, the working made me feel so much better. I felt like I was doing something meaningful, something that mattered. And I think that this move will help me find my joy again, to help me feel meaningful again. I started thinking about the new things I could do in Seattle. I could work in a school, maybe even a school where K was a student, I could volunteer at a new church, I could start walking and exercising, I could start driving. I could start fresh with all of these things that used to make me happy. DH is right. Seattle will give us so many more opportunities that Hawaii cannot. Of course, it’s never easy to start fresh or to leave things that feel comfortable, but on the other hand, negative feelings are never good for anyone. Sadness is never good for anyone’s well-being. I know that my pessimistic views about the whole ordeal just weigh on DH, and that’s not fair for me to do. It’s time for me to be on board. We are a partnership and I need to start being a partner. Hawaii will always be my home, but maybe Seattle is where I need to be to grow up, to come into my own, to find myself. Where I used to think that this move to Seattle was just a basket of lemons, I now realize that it’s an opportunity to make some delicious lemonade.